I will never forget

Anyone who lived through the horrific events of 9/11/01 will feel the need to reflect on every September 11th for the rest of their lives. I'm not going to re-hash my every steps and feelings and memories of that day...way too painful. Instead choose to discuss the value adde my life by experiencing such an event at the age of 27 and living by myself in the city of Boston at that time.

MIND: Sheer panic...confusion...sickness...shock....mentally paralyzed. My father worked in lower Manhattan, my sister and mother were in the Poconos, I had close friends and family living in NYC, Pittsburgh and D.C. - and 2 of the planes left from Logan Airport (just a few minutes north of Boston). Could I have been any more entrenched in the chaos?

BODY: Shaking, sweaty, crying, headache, nauseous...more crying

SOUL: That day's events were His way of showing me that I need to no longer take the gift of life for granted. I could have been one of the approximate 3,000 that never made it home that night. From that point I never ended a conversation or a visit with my parents and sister w/o an "I love you" or a "thank you" or a bear hug. Yes, death is inevitable but I never thought about it in the context of going to work or riding the train or flying for leisure. Because I now live in a managed state of fear (have not boarded a plane since 2000 and have no plans in doing so probably ever again) I have to make the decision each day not to let it cripple my life. When I drop my daughter off @ school I make sure that she gets one last kiss and hug just in case He sees it fit to call eitehr of us Home before we lay eyes on each other again. When my husband and I disagree I dwell on the fact that this man would walk over glass for me (as I would for him) and not on the fact that for one moment in time we did not agree on something that 99.9% of the time is non-life-threatening. We don't go to bed angry or hold grudges - too many of those left behind as of 9/12/01 carry that burden of guilt and neither of us wants to seal our fate with that. I take more photographs now. The one and only picture I ever took of the WTC (after living in NYC until the age of 18) was taken from the top of the Empire State Building on Wednesday 8/15/01. I was giving one of my good sista-girls an NYC tour and the ESB was our stop mid-day. The sun was shining, about 85 degrees, perfect. I made sure to take a picture from each side of the observation deck. At first I thought "it's just the World Trade Center...I've seen it a million times...why take a picture of it now?" I knew I would be back in the City another time - I would have preferred a picture of it lit up at night, but took the photograph anyway. I was back in the city for Thanksgiving...but the WTC was gone for good.

Back in the saddle

My apologies for pretty much taking the summer off. The little muchkin to the left spent 6 weeks with her grandparents and aunt in PA so Lady Miz Marvelous had the entire time to reconnect with the hubby, with nature and most importantly - with myself! Aaah, it was heaven. I missd my baby (truly I did) but the time she spent apart from us really gave me the chance to take one long look in the mirror and set an agenda for a path to a more fufulling and purpose-driven life. Here are just some of the things I (re)learned about my authentic self: I really miss painting and drawing on a regular basis, I love the feeling of a sweaty forehead and face after a good cardio session, my physical health is a visible reflection of my mental and emotional health, I might not have everything I want in terms of a career but that doesn't mean I can't make moves outside of the office. So after a lot of soul-searching and heartfelt sunset conversations with the hubby as we sat on our porch, Lady Miz Marvelous is back better and stronger than when I left back in June...better believe it.

MIND: My life is what I make of it. Worry and stress are lethal to the soul. So used the opportunity of getting a new office at work to create a brand new energy for my M-F grind. I painted 2 new portraits, threw away 2 large bags of crap and surrounded my workspace with positive images. The result.....I haven't had a bad day yet! Mind over matter, people...mind over matter.

BODY: That is the BIG project. The goal to losing 75lbs. The motiviation is purely intrinsic. I look at people like (my American Idol) Michelle Obama, Madonna, Jennifer Aniston, Tina Turner and all these women have made their bodies works of art: sculpted arms, toned cores, CRAZY shaped legs. No surgery (that we know of), no gimmicks, no quick fixes - just good clean living. That's what I want for myself, and ultimately for my family. So one more gym membership renewal and the personal committment to swiping my card no less that 3x every week and definitely once every weekend. So far, so good after being 3 weeks in.

SOUL: Where do I start? I've let go of a lot of the emotional weight that I've been carrying around for the last couple of years and I can actually feel a spring in my step. It's not easy though. Every day is a new committment to self. No more beating myself up over things that I cannot control or change. What I am in control of are my thoughts, words and actions. So I've committed to telling the truth on a daily basis - to myself and to other people. It hurts sometimes (as the real truth tends to do...) but you know what? It is what it is. Scales, mirrors and children don't lie. I have found that the mucnhkin up top is a clear reflection of what's going on with me on the inside. My energy rubs off on her. When I stress less, she shines more :-)

ETC: Okay, I am loving(3X) "the Wendy Williams" show! Yes, she's very over-the-top and tends to be a bit rude and inappropriate but that's exactly why I love her. She can laugh at herself and isn't afraid to admit to her shortcomings and limitations. Plus, she seems like she loves life and just enjoys coming to work each day (and her outfits/wigs/accessories are fiiiieeerce!)
"HOW YOU DOOOOOOOIN'?"